280-character reviews of all the tracks on Taylor Swift’s new album

Before I go on, a short disclaimer: I am a Swiftie who had very strong feelings about Taylor Swift’s comeback.  

Don’t get me wrong Taylor’s pop transition is at its height in “Reputation”, so most of these songs are genuine Bops™. My main concern is that the album lacks the classic flair I’ve come to expect from my problematic fave.  

I get that the old Taylor is dead. Sure she is. But her talent lies in balance what she lacks in her lyrics, she makes up for in melody, and vice versa. “Reputation” didn’t have the balance. This album is her most personal one to date, but it’s also the messiest, with her best vocals not meshing with all the dubstep.

I originally wasn’t planning to listen to the whole thing, but figured that someone’s gotta take one for the team. So I listened to the entire album five times to tell you guys which songs were bops or boops in 280 characters or less. Are you ready for it? Let’s go.

 

…Ready for It? : Boop

Sonically, this sounds great as a hype track. But lyrically, it isn’t the sharpest. “You can be my jailer/Burton to this Taylor”? Nope. Shake It Off taught us that Taylor and rapping don’t really work out, so at least we know that hasn’t changed.  

 

End Game: Bop

Am I the only one who thinks this sounds like Umbrella-era Rihanna? Or at the very least, a mid-2000s pop song? Not complaining — I’m kind of digging this feisty Taylor. Though I’d rather she leave the Future and Ed Sheeran verses out of it.

 

I Did Something Bad: Boop

It’s got the vibe of I Know Places, except with loud dubstep. A slow burn? My main concern: who thought it’d be a good idea to add that bizarre ra da di di noise? Probably the same person who OK-ed the album art. Everything was going so well until the chorus and bridge. FYI: She curses in this.

 

Don’t Blame Me: Bop

I Did Something Bad goes right before Don’t Blame Me. I see what you did there, Taylor. Yeah, that track order is “Reputation” in a nutshell. This one sounds very gospel, but that’s what makes the whole album start to come together. Highlight: the Mmms!  

 

Delicate: Bop

The vocoder touch takes a little getting used to, but I think it does a good job in conveying the hesitation and fragility Taylor sings about. There’s a softness to this track that I’ve come to appreciate after a couple of listens. Delicate is perfect for those who loved the sounds on Clean.

 

Look What You Made Me Do: Boop

I’m sorry, there’s only so much a Swiftie can take before putting her foot down. Someone tweeted that this sounds exactly like what the album art looks like, and he was right. Major credit though for giving us more meme material (which may have been her agenda in the first place).   

 

So It Goes…: Bop

Taylor sure does love her ellipses in this album… At this point I think it’s clear to everyone that she likes doing Something Bad, though it’s still pretty vague.

 

Gorgeous: Bop

Okay this is up there on my list of favorites (also earning the totally legit honor of being a song I sing in the shower). It’s like this album’s Blank Space. My only problem is that the lyrics sound way too simplistic for Taylor. Case in point: “I feel like I might sink and drown and die”.

 

Getaway Car: Bop

Finally, we have something with the same nostalgic sparkle as “1989”. And by that I mean we should collectively agree that this should’ve been a track from “1989”. Warning: may cause an actual dart sa heart. It’s not exactly All Too Well, but it’ll do. This is supposedly about Tom Hiddleston, so let’s just say that listening to this makes me wanna give him a big hug.

 

King of My Heart: Bop

The electronic robot voice isn’t as appealing as it was in Delicate. I’m kind of over the vocoder by now?

 

Dancing With Our Hands Tied: Boop

This might just be a personal preference, but I tend to avoid anything with a beat that sounds like The Chainsmokers, which we hear once we get onto this song’s chorus. It’s a no from me.  

 

Dress: Bop

Confirmed: old Taylor definitely can’t come to the phone right now. She’s too busy spilling wine in the bathtub and buying a dress so her lover can take it off. Dress is a sexy, breathy, slow jam and easily her most risque track to date. 

 

This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: Boop

As the main Kanye diss track off this album next to LWYMMD, it’s lukewarm and petty. Sounds like a 2013 Avril song. Listen for all the Easter eggs, and if you’re into the petty drama and tea spillage.

 

Call It What You Want: Bop

Another one of my shower songs. It’s like an alternate universe version of Gorgeous, where Taylor fawns over her boyfriend except with more balance and eloquence. But at this point in the album, all I can say is that we get it you’re in love with a hot guy. At least the lyrics are better.

 

New Year’s Day: Bop

As a quiet ender in contrast to the very in your face boom of …Ready For It?, we hear old Taylor crawling out of the the synths and dubstep thanks to the instruments we can actually hear (piano and guitar). LF: someone willing to clean up bottles with me on New Year’s Day. I’m not crying, you are.

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