Your alternative Chinese astrology for 2017

Your alternative Chinese astrology for 2017

Why aren’t pandas on the list in the first place?

Art by Dani Chuatico

New year… new animal? Given that it’s Chinese New Year, we’re guessing that this might be the third or the fifth Chinese Astrological article you’ve opened today. The year of the Fire Rooster is said to bring a lot of action for everyone — now, what else is there to know?

Just like its western counterpart, the twelve Chinese zodiac animals (Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, and Pig) represent the personality, preferences, strengths, and weaknesses of a person born in that corresponding year. According to Chinese Astrology, all creatures were summoned for a race and these animals were the first twelve to cross the line. But given the endless number of personality types out there, we thought of an extended list of animals who could join the zodiac race. From the chilled out panda to the flirty dolphin, find out your traits and fortune for the year ahead.


As the chillest animal out there, Pandas are considered to be the easiest folks to get along with. While they’re introverted, they tend to be clingy once you get to know them. These bears can be lazy at times and would rather choose siesta than an afternoon hangout session with you.

Career: Get off Netflix if you actually want to pursue a career in film and/or television. The film industry will be struggling in the first quarter of the year but things will start to look up for everyone by August so try to join by then. Everybody loves a cute, cuddly TV personality.

Love: For single Pandas, it’s time to strike a conversation with your crush. Maybe talk about how promising Riverdale is. When the time is right, invite your crush over for a viewing party. Popcorn and cuddles are about to be your thing this 2017. For Pandas in a relationship, try doing something adventurous with your significant other; you’ve both watched enough shows to last you a lifetime.

Health: If you stop eating fast food and start stretching your muscles as early as now, you’ll be able to start running with ease by the 13th of February.

General Fortune:
This year promises great opportunities once you learn the art of small talk.

Lucky numbers:
2, 6 x 6 = 36

Lucky colors:
black, white, brown


The voluptuous Elephants are the badass kweens that have been taking down body shamers one selfie at a time. Beautiful, confident, and most of all, intelligent — these body positive activists inspire people to overcome their issues with their honest yet encouraging blog posts.

Career: IG Stories will be the next big thing. Start looking for that stable phone tripod and the perfect ring light; it’s time to take your game to the next level.

Love: To the single Elephants, say hi to that cutie who keeps on liking your Instagram posts. A coffee date or taco date is foreseen by the third week of February if you play your cards right. If you’re in a relationship, you will soon be surprised by the spontaneity of your lover. A quick romantic getaway is in the plan.

Don’t stop practicing yoga; it helps your posture.

General Fortune:
Big brands are about to approach you for possible job opportunities. Wealth is coming your way this year.

Lucky numbers: 18, 26, 28

Lucky colors:
baby pink and sky blue


Dolphins are the friendliest and most charming amongst all the animals. These water creatures look like they’re having a blast wherever they go. They enjoy having intelligent conversations and being politically correct. Other interests: lots and lots of flirting.

Career: The VIPs love you because you bring joy to their otherwise dull lives. Your younger peers secretly want to make you their life coach. However, those who are envious might try to sabotage your career. Always be on the lookout.

Love: If you’re single, this year is perfect for you to collect and select. *wink* If you’re taken, learn how to treat your partner better, especially if you’ve noticed that you’ve been neglecting them lately.

Health: If you continue to eat well and workout regularly, your well-deserved abs will show up by the summer time.

General Fortune:
For 2017, you will find solidarity amongst your real friends. Kindness and compassion will rule over your feelings throughout the whole year.

Lucky numbers:
6, 26, 2015

Lucky colors:
The colors of the rainbow


Ambitious and headstrong, giraffes are the most resilient when it comes to achieving their goals. No challenge is too big for them to overcome. They enjoy taking long walks and segregating their trash. They’re vegetarians who plan on becoming vegans soon.

Career: Look for the best location to build your startup. Be careful though; one wrong networking move can ruin the chance of making your dream business fly.

For the single Giraffes, now may not be the best time for a new lover. However, Giraffes in a relationship will find that their best allies in business are their current significant others.

Health: Don’t forget to take a quick break every once in a while. Rest will benefit you and your business in the long run.

General Fortune:
If your business plans are grounded on eco-friendly and locally sourced products, great monetary opportunities are in store for you this year.

Lucky number:
1, 11, 111

Lucky colors:
yellow and brown


These self-assured and self-made people are revolutionary feminists who will take down the patriarchy. They hate fights and unnecessary drama, but they often get themselves stuck in a pickle because of their impatience. Don’t even try to be ~ extra ~ around them if you don’t want to be ignored.

Career: Your temper will take a toll on the people around you. It will also be counterproductive for work. Learn how to deal with your emotions and your colleagues will learn how to work with you more harmoniously.

The advice is the same for single and taken Penguins: you need a partner who can keep up with you. If you find your partner weak, it might be time to leave them. Just… don’t get caught with another man/woman.

Health: Try pescetarianism; seafood might help you pave the way to a healthier lifestyle.

General Fortune:
More trips, friends, and projects are in your way. 2017 is generally a great year as long as you don’t let your emotions get in the way.

Lucky numbers: 1, 4, 3

Lucky colors:
red and pink

#career #health #love

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