I’m not the brightest of students, but I know I’m driven as hell. Since high school, I’ve come to realize that my goals went beyond a career and into pursuing higher education. Maybe it was because of repeatedly watching Legally Blonde, or wanting to be in the same school as my childhood crush (I know, don’t ask). Dreaming of being able to study abroad filled my head, and became the driving force for me to study harder and get better grades. Come college, I wanted to keep proving to myself that I was worth something. The dream of leaving and studying abroad never changed. The drive did.
For every door that’s been closed in my face, I’ve said: “No.” Not, “No, I will not give up,” but rather, “No. I’m done.” On the other hand, my friends were suddenly off to their dream schools, trotting from one place to another. Honestly, as happy as I was for them, I was also jealous.
I knew I wanted it too, but a voice inside my head kept nagging and pulling me down. That voice would feed me with thoughts of how I’m not lucky enough, of how only the financially stable could do it, and how only the smartest kid could get in. It stopped me from moving forward, and told me to chase a new dream. I believed it and gave up.
But that’s when it hit me. I gave up without even doing anything about it. Sure, my corkboard of dreams was still right in front of me, but I didn’t try to move forward with my applications. All I had were excuses. There weren’t any doors closed in my face; I just hadn’t come up to any of them and knocked.